Column: Doctalk on dating

All women deserve a fairytale ending. It sounds corny and maybe it is, but I believe every woman will meet a man with a calibre equal to a prince, in smarts and looks, not necessarily the royalty, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after.

The road to finding that prince is the part of the fairytale that involves an evil stepmother or a scary man named Jafar.

Dating is rarely fun, but Friday night after Friday night, girls continually get ready to put themselves through dinner and a movie with a man (or man-child) they may barely know.

Through many Friday nights I’ve met my fair share of nice guys and I’ve met my fair share of jerks. I’ve also met plenty of nice guys who turned out to be jerks. The more I date, the more I find myself slipping away from my fairytale belief.

I’ll let a man take away the tiny bit of pleasure I find in dating, and I’ll even split the cost of the meal, but I refuse to let a man take away my fairytale ending because, and I’m repeating myself for effect here, every woman deserves her fairytale ending.

Over the years, I’ve learned many things about myself, about men and about dating in general. Dating can be emotionally draining. I’ve comforted many girlfriends because of men, and many of my girlfriends have comforted me. But more importantly, I’ve learned that men are mostly cowards.

I’ve been on both sides, and rejection is just as hard to give as it is to receive. Pooling together the men I’ve been rejected by, which is an outrageously high number, if you ask me, I can only conclude that my previous statement of men being mostly cowards holds true.

Not a single one of those men ever said out loud, by text, by email, Facebook, or Twitter, that he wasn’t interested in seeing me again. Instead they chose to either pretend like I had dropped off the face of the Earth or pretend they themselves no longer existed. You do not want to ask me how awkward random run-ins with those men have been.

From a lady’s perspective, guys have all the control; they’re the asker and we’re the askees. If they want to see us again, they’ll let it be known. Dates don’t always go well and the trick with dating is to not let it get you down.

It sounds easier than it actually is.

But it’s possible! It took me years to conquer, and I’ll admit, sometimes it’s hard to maintain, but bad dates and bad men don’t have to be a downer.

It’s an incredibly simple notion that women often overlook because of that ugly word rejection and all the feelings that come along with it. But when rejection kicks you in the face, there are four good-looking words every girl should always remember: “Don’t waste the pretty” (the “pretty” is you, by the way).

It’s a phrase author and comedian Greg Behrendt coined, so don’t give me all the credit when it does you wonders during your dating career.

No matter how much you like the guy or how many fireworks you imagined went off during your first kiss, if he’s not putting in the effort to see you again, he simply isn’t interested.

And why waste your time on a guy who’s not interested in you when there is someone, somewhere that is?

 

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