Column; When phones are useless

These days everyone seems to have a smartphone. Being a proud owner of an iPhone myself, I recently came across some apps that were a little unusual but still seemed intriguing. This week’s Top 10 is the 10 useless apps.

10. The Imbecile Test. I’ve already got this one in my collection, but unfortunately I can’t pass it – even after having it for six months. It’s one of those frustrating games that you try not to give up on no matter how difficult or stupid the test is. I’m not spiteful, I swear.

9. Zippo Lighter. You see it in movies and at concerts. A song comes on and everyone whips out their lighters, to sway them back and forth to the tune of the song. It creates an almost eerie mood if you ask me. Don’t smoke? Don’t worry! The virtual lighter on your iPod should do the trick!

8. More Toast! Instead of getting up, going to the kitchen and making yourself a sandwich, you can do it from the comfort of your bed, on your iPhone of course! Frankly, the real thing sounds more appetizing to me.

7. Pocket Boyfriend. The reason you don’t have a real boyfriend is because you have a virtual one. Just throwing that out there.

6. Fan. No, you read it right. For only $0.99 you too can have a desktop fan on your iPhone. Which does virtually, well, nothing. I did however find the warning to be thoroughly entertaining. “WARNING PLEASE KEEP FINGERS AND OTHER APPENDAGES CLEAR OF THE BLADES TO AVOID SERIOUS INJURY.”

5. Wedding Planner. Hiring a wedding planner can be pricey considering the increasingly high prices of weddings. Now available on iTunes, there are several different apps with various pricing to assist you, in planning the perfect event.

4. Talking to Justin Bieber. Remember those Fisher Price tape recorders? You could talk into it and it would repeat what you said. Well, now you can do just that, but when it plays back, it’s Justin Bieber’s voice. Also, you can dress him up, tickle him, and even put your fingers on his lips for a kiss! Frankly this app disgusts me.

3. Conversation Topics. Because everyone including me these days has their face buried in their phones or iPods, why not look up and talk to someone? If you’re not too sure what to talk about, don’t worry, there’s an app for that!

2. App for Cats. This app could also be named the “Most Pointless App in the App Store.” It’s literally a game for your cat where bugs crawl around the screen enticing your cat to chase them. I do not pay an extensive amount on my phone bill so that my cat can play games, sorry.

1. Mosquito Repellent. This app releases a high-pitched frequency that claims to be unbearable to mosquitoes and harmless to humans. I wish I’d known about this one in the summer, I would’ve definitely tried it.

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