During an afternoon visit, her boyfriend started to perform sexual advances, but Jane, whose name has been changed to protect her identity, was not in the mood as she was stressed about final exams. When she refused to engage in sexual activity with her boyfriend, he became upset and forced himself on her.
He did this playfully, in a mocking sort of way to avoid coming across as aggressive and persuade her into doing what he wanted. Jane ended up giving in to avoid an argument and disappoint her boyfriend, but she changed her mind shortly after.
Unfortunately, many people find themselves in similar situations and do not see this type of act as sexual violence, because the advances come from romantic partners. But the reality is that no matter the type of relationship you are in, if you do not want to engage in sexual activity, you have the right to say no. If your partner proceeds without your consent, it is considered a criminal act. Which unfortunately, is one of the most under-reported crimes across Canada for this reason.
When many of us think about sexual violence within a relationship, we consider examples like Jane’s situation. However, even though it is not as common, sexual violence can also be experienced by men.
For Joe, whose name has also been changed to protect his identity, this happened while in a hot tub with friends. His girlfriend who had been drinking, started to touch him inappropriately underwater, which made him very uncomfortable because of everyone around them. When he removed her hand, she got upset and started to argue. This made everyone aware of the situation and Joe was mocked about his decision to stop her, because they thought it was OK for her to do it since they were in a relationship.
Joe’s situation was not taken seriously because as a guy; it is almost expected to be desiring to engage in sexual activity at all times. But even under those circumstances, the law clearly defines sexual assault as any unwanted act of a sexual nature that is imposed on another person without their consent and therefore, a type of sexual violence.
The fact that many men like Joe get mocked for refusing a sexual act from a girlfriend, makes it even more difficult for men to report sexual violence within a relationship. As they don’t want to be shamed or have their masculinity questioned.
If you or anyone you know would like more information or need to report an unwanted sexual act regardless of gender, sexual orientation, age or race, please contact the Chinook Sexual Assault Centre at (403) 694-1094 or visit its website at www.csacleth.ca
