“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.” – L.M. Montgomery

Okay, let’s get right into it. I am chronically tired, no matter how much I sleep or how much I lay around relaxing and wearing comfy pyjamas while crying to This is Us, I can never seem to shake that tiredness. It climbs onto my back and sits there like a needy toddler vying for my attention.

I often found myself wanting to sleep in class and dozing off during meetings and movies with my friends. I could never get this weighty monster away from me, until I discovered Starbucks.

Now one of the reasons I frequently would stay away from the delicious mermaid was because cheaper options could always be found elsewhere, but when Tim Hortons burnt roast and bitter tea cramped my style too many times, I really only had one option.

Starbucks, where they write your name on the cup and give you free drinks from time to time. Starbucks, where the staff is normally pretty friendly and the lemon loafs are to die for or, gas station coffee on the way to school that I not only had to make myself, but also had to spend my morning holding it awkwardly to keep it from burning the very flesh off of my hand because 7-Eleven in Lethbridge somehow doesn’t believe in protective sleeves for their mediocre coffee.

So naturally I chose the signature cups and frothy almond milk lattees.

I’d like to say that my personal Starbucks revolution came to me on its own, that I took my own womanly stand into unicorn Frappuccino’s and fake Flat Whites. But it was my stepmom. She told me all about how coffee is the cure for everything when she brought me home my first dairy free confection (a caramel Macchiato made with almond milk and a splash of vanilla).

Ever since then, I was hooked. Absolutely hooked!

I fervently believe everything that the woman says. So when even my father, my six-feet-tall, West Indies, tow-truck-driving father found happiness in the Seattle franchise, I knew it was time to make the switch.

When my stepmother told me about her hatred for the Pumpkin Spice Latte, the Unicorn Frappuccino and the long-listed orders provided majority by white soccer moms I was enthralled.

And, I did my research. I spend a vast majority of my time looking up complicated Starbucks orders just for kicks and found out that the Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks is more than a drink, it’s a REVOLUTION!

The pumpkin spice latte started out in 2003 and even garners its own Wikipedia page and Messenger app through the App Store. This stupid drink full of pumpkin puree has branched over into candles and soaps for Bath and Body Works, food with Pumpkin Spice flavoured Oreos, dairy products, toothpaste, candy corn, peeps, protein powders and…condoms?

Thus, I’ve come to the conclusion that the Pumpkin Spice revolution is happening. Are you prepared?

So…
Consumerism and pretty great coffee aside, well done Sbux.
Here’s the tally:
Starbucks – 1
Your Regular cup of joe – 0