Dating is a nightmare. Always has been, always will be. Anyone who says different is a liar. Come with me while we explore yet another reason why you should abandon the idea of a romantic relationship altogether and adopt a cat.

I was browsing the internet recently, and came across this article. For those who don’t want to read it, it’s a story about a woman who went out on a bad first date with someone. Then, a few months after the date, he decided to message her 15 tips on how to be better for the next guy. These tips included losing weight, not talking about her past as much and to get a tan.

Unfortunately, it reminded me of a first date I went on around Christmas. I went to a Christmas party with a guy I had been talking to. It went mostly well throughout the night. We had been drinking, as one does at a party like that. It got to the point where he was rambling drunkenly at me, I didn’t mind. He reminded me of one of my best friends, it was fine. I was only half paying attention anyways. Then he opened his mouth and said, “you’re probably insecure because you’re overweight. And obviously you’re trying to be something with your fake eyelashes and all your tattoos and piercings.”

There wasn’t a second date.

Now I’m pretty aware that I’m not that “ideal” body type or whatever. The kids in high school made me very aware I’m not conventionally pretty.

That fact used to destroy me. I would agonize over the fact that people didn’t like how I looked. I would dress to hide my body shape, because if they couldn’t see it they wouldn’t make comments. I used to observe the way the popular girls acted and try to emulate it. That didn’t work either. I was miserable because I couldn’t just accept who I was.

It took a lot of years and moving 300 km away from where I grew up to get over the fact that other people didn’t like what I looked like.

What changed? Good question.

I got a chance to re-invent myself. It was incredible. I had always felt like I belonged in a very specific box in my hometown. I got to push the borders and be whoever I wanted to be.

I also met some incredible people. My current roommate and best friend has changed my life and the way I view myself. She encourages me to buy clothes I never would’ve dreamed of even looking at in the store.

I remember, very vividly, one time when we were shopping. I saw something on a mannequin and I looked over at my friend and said, “Man I wish I could fit in something like that.”

Without a second of hesitation she said, “If you’re upset because you’re not a size two, that’s stupid.”

She’s right. It is stupid. Every person is built differently, duh. My body just wasn’t built to be a size two.

It’s one of the most important things someone has really said to me. To hear it so bluntly put that I was stupid for being ashamed of my body. I’ve really embraced that sentiment. Now, I wear what I want, when I want, without giving a damn about anyone. Sometimes it’s fake confidence, but it’s getting easier every day.

Also, to the boy that thinks I’m hiding behind my tattoos, piercings and makeup: go away.

As of the day I’m writing this, I have about 19 tattoos. I’m not hiding behind them. It is my body and the way I choose to decorate it has absolutely nothing to do with what you think of me. I wear fake eyelashes because I think they look nice.

I’m not hiding behind anything. Not anymore.

Also, one last helpful hint to boys that think they should tell girls how to improve themselves: don’t.