Sitting there around 10 p.m. on a weekday night, watching as her close friend ate all of the things she used to eat, Meghan Doll, 19, feared the food in front of her while her friend enjoyed food; just as she used to. That night she broke down.

She knew she was not in control of her life. It was hard realizing it. Unbelievably hard realizing that something else was in control of her life, but she knew the only way to gain control was to confess her obsession of food to her parents. 

For years Meghan was in denial that she even had a problem. People around her, especially her parents, were concerned about her weight loss but she didn’t see anything wrong with losing some weight. She thought she was doing her body some good. 

There was a sense of control she felt when she would determine what to eat in a day, which would always be a small portion. Sadly, she even felt proud and superior when throwing out a meal her mom had packed for lunch.

“The food was literally bought for me then thrown in the garbage, but I didn’t think twice. It was all about pleasing my eating disorder, even though I just thought I was pleasing myself,” says Doll.

That night she confessed to her parents about her eating disorder. She knew she needed to tell them everything in order to get better, but it was a challenge because she had been hiding an obsession from them for years. “I am so lucky that my parents have patience and understood me to the best of their ability,” says Doll.

“We stayed up till three in the morning while I told them everything that had been going on.”

The Canadian Medical Association says the fear of fat is so overwhelming that young girls have indicated in surveys that they are more afraid of becoming fat than they are of cancer, nuclear war, or losing their parents.

The Journal said in a recent article that 27 per cent of Ontario girls 12-18 years old were reported to be engaged in a problematic food and weight behaviour, with about 15 per cent predicted to develop a full-fledged eating disorder.

“An eating disorder is a hard thing to explain. I tried to explain to my parents how I have to listen to it, but I know what I am doing is wrong and not acceptable,” says Doll.

Meghan and her family began to build a support system in order to get her healthy once again. She began by seeing her doctor who then referred her to a psychiatrist. 

“When my doctor found out I had an eating disorder I felt embarrassed, even though there was nothing to be embarrassed about. An eating disorder is like a disease. A person does not choose to behave in such an ill; mannered way,” says Doll. 

Her doctor was supportive and encouraging. Doll felt a sense of hope for herself. When visiting the psychiatrist for the first time she was actually excited. She felt that once she talked to him everything would be better and she would be back to her normal self, without the eating disorder. 

“I mention the importance of having a physician, dietitian and possibly a psychiatrist on his/her team—physician for the physical effects of the disease, dietitian to work on the food planning/food fears issues and a psychiatrist for possible medication related issues if depression/anxiety/other mental health issues are present for the individual,” says Monica Hinton, counseling services at Lethbridge College. 

Recovery is possible and it takes a team approach for that to happen; recovery does not happen overnight, so I talk to people about giving themselves permission to take time with their “progress” in therapy.” 

Surprisingly, the meeting did not go as expected. The psychiatrist suggested she be admitted into the hospital. Refusing his suggestion immediately, she did not want to miss out on her final year of high school.

“I began to yell at the psychiatrist. I was furious with such a suggestion. My parents felt my determination and told the psychiatrist that I am a very determined person and would be able to recover on my own,” says Doll.

Leaving the psychiatrist’s office Meghan felt scared. She knew that she was very lucky that her parents had stood up for her in front of a professional. 

Doll was still scared because she knew she had to change her ways and prove to her parents and the professionals working alongside her that she was able to get better without being admitted into the hospital. 

“The next morning was scary. I was terrified to go into the kitchen. It sounds crazy, but I feared the fact that I actually had to eat breakfast,” says Doll. 

“My parents made me what seemed to be an abnormally large breakfast, but in reality it was an average; sized breakfast consisting of a glass of juice and cereal. I couldn’t even eat it all. My stomach ached after eating only a small portion of the breakfast. I began to cry. I wanted to eat but I just couldn’t.” 

The following day and her mom called the dietitian and booked an appointment. After meeting with her, Meghan went grocery shopping.

 “I felt like I was at Disney World; I was so excited. I was actually having fun looking for the food my dietitian had suggested for me. It was very unusual, but I was so excited to try the foods I had been depriving myself of,” says Doll.  

“One to four per cent of the population are diagnosed with anorexia or bulimia nervosa and another stat includes 90 per cent of Canadian women suffer with poor body image, which is on the continuum of possible development of an eating disorder,” says Hinton.

Recovering from her eating disorder, Meghan was insecure. She had a difficult time being around people because she felt so self-conscious. She missed many days of school and on those particular days one of her parents would have to stay home from work because she was so depressed. 

“My eating disorder affected everyone around me. My parents were like my nurses. They had to monitor what I was eating and what I was doing because I was not able to do any activities,” says Doll. 

All other family members such as her grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins did not know how to react so they would ask her parents how she was doing over the phone. Since Meghan was insecure and usually unable to talk to anyone but her parents, she lost contact with the important people in her life. 

“My eating disorder affected many relationships with friends as well,” says Doll.

“I did not know who to confide in, but I knew I had to tell someone because some days I felt as though I needed to talk to someone other than my parents.”

Many friends were supportive but others were judging. Many conversations occurred about her and she felt even more insecure about herself. She felt as though everyone was judging her and did not like her anymore because of her disorder behaviour. 

“Recovery from an eating disorder is possible and takes roughly two to five years of active therapy/treatment; what is pervasive are the thoughts related to body image/weight/shape,” Hinton says. 

“We are a society obsessed with weight and shape, which makes it difficult for those trying to work on healthy body image.”

Meghan’s doctor would check her weight weekly and have her go into the lab at the hospital for weekly blood tests. Her doctor needed to know how her body was functioning internally. 

Her psychiatrist provided her with the medication that helped her deal with the emotions that occurred while the recovery process. 

Her social worker spoke to her about long-term goals and how to deal with everyday situations that she faced. 

Her psychologist helped her with the way she thought. She needed to change her way of thinking and no longer fear food. 

Her dietitian provided her with meal plans while doing weekly weighing as well. She also helped her with her thoughts about food. The dietitian provided her with lots of encouraging information about the food she was eating and why it was good for her. 

“There is a strong myth that people choose to have an eating disorder,” Hinton says. “Someone cannot be diagnosed unless they have the genetic predisposition and eating disorders are a very serious mental health issue—the only mental health diagnosis in which people die; more people suffer with eating disorders than those that suffer with breast cancer.” 

Everyday was a different emotion. It was impossible to determine how Meghan would feel from hour to hour. 

“Many days I would feel optimistic enough to get ready for school, but a simple task such as looking in the mirror while brushing my hair changed my mood and prevented me from going to school that day,” says Doll. 

Every time her meal plan would increase, she would feel anxious and fear. She would always think that she was eating too much. 

“Many times I felt like giving up and being controlled by my eating disorder again because, oddly enough, when I obeyed my eating disorder I felt in control of my life.”

An eating disorder can also strike even elite athletes.

Laureate Research Foundation found that among college athletes, 58 per cent of females and 38 per cent of males were considered “at risk” for developing an eating disorder. 

Three years later Meghan is now healthy girl thanks to the support of her family, friends and boyfriend who would not let her give up. 

Meghan currently attends Brescia University College at University of Western Ontario and will be graduating with a bachelor of science with honours specialization in foods and nutrition.