Bye pumpkin spice – it has NOT been a slice

Pumpkin spice Lattes.

The perfectly polarizing pumpkin potion that is positively putrid.

The flavour has taken on an iconic status, and some would even argue, a life of its own over the years.

As a white girl who occasionally wears yoga pants and Ugg boots, I understand it is my duty to not only yearn for the celebrated seasonal coffee drink all year-long until it becomes available, but to savour and relish it in a number of ways.

I remember hearing rumours about them many moons ago. They were like this supernatural myth that everyone believed wouldn’t suck them in, much like the draw of watching Jersey Shore five years ago. To some, they were feared. To others, a joke.

Then fall arrived and there it was, waving at me from behind the counter of every Starbucks, enticing me with its sweet smell of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger and painfully artificial pumpkin.

It was made abundantly clear to me that I was supposed to take Instagram photos, warm cup of PSL in hand while wearing a cozy over-sized sweater, thus giving people a small dose of unadulterated fall staples for viewer’s eyes to feast on.

It wasn’t until I started college, with halls full of members of the PSL cult community (I’m looking at you, Taylor Bloodworth) that my desire to try one grew. How could I, as a lover of all things good and caffeinated, not know the real meaning behind the pumpkin flavoured season?

So with reservation I headed to my local Starbucks in awe and anticipation, ready to have my PSL virginity stripped from me.

I took one big swig and instantaneously my mouth was awash in bewilderment. Was this the PSL everyone talked so highly of? Why then did it taste like a dirty bowl of compost had found itself into my drink?

So I tried another sip, thinking maybe this time would be different. Maybe the second time around it would be better. Again, it was absolutely disgusting and horrific.

I raged in my head. Not only had I just wasted five bucks, but now I felt bad that I had compared this spiced toxin to compost. What did compost ever do to deserve such disrespect?

I thought maybe I could suffer through it enough to at least feel like my $5 wasn’t absolutely wasted. Once more I took another valiant gulp in hope that I could stomach the pungent taste, but sadly, it ended in the same state of hatred.

So down the drain it went.

To be completely honest, its sugar and spice was not even nice while it lasted

From that point on, it followed me around like a ghost.

It wasn’t long before the pumpkin-spice craze spread to everywhere from McDonald’s to the Penny Coffee House and unexpected places like Booster Juice. You can now even find it in products like Oreos, Cheerios, M&M’s and even condoms. Yes, you heard that right.

While we each have our own diverse tastes and perceptions, my stance against Pumpkin Spice is that… it’s gross.

And while I respect that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, those of you that love pumpkin spice, are wrong.

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